Where has time gone?

It seemed like it was yesterday that I opened my mission call. and look at me now, only 8 more days till I get to go on my mission! 

This past Sunday was my farewell. I had been waiting for that moment for a while now. I remember always going to my friend's farewells and always thinking "I wonder when mine's going to be." Didn't take too long. 

I hadn't been as nervous as i was, right before i gave my talk in a long time. 

Seen my close friends and my family right below me, in the first two rows, made me feel so happy and knowing that they were there supporting me definitely helped me calm down, but it didn't help calm down the tears that's for sure. 

It still hasn't hit me that i'm leaving. It seems like i'm going on a vacation for a short period of time, instead of going away for a  whole year and a half! 

[[how could i not be exited? look at this place! BEAUTIFUL]] 

"I am thoroughly terrified and tingling with excitement" This quote describes my feelings perfectly. 

Am I exited? You betcha!

Am I ready? Idk if i'll ever be.

Am I scared? I can't say that I'm not.

but nevertheless, knowing that this is what I need to be doing with my life, with not one single doubt in my mind, sure helps me feel comforted.   

let the count down begin. 

 

HAWAII HONOLULU

On Wednesday[[ March 24th]] I had the opportunity to finally receive my mission call!!
I sort of had an idea that it was coming that day, so I literary waited outside my house for the mail man! 
Mission calls are my FAVORITE!! I get oh, so exited when I hear that someone is receiving theirs, so to know that I'm about to get my own. That's just too much excitement for one person.
Seeing the package in which my call was in, brought me soooo much joy, I can't even explain! I was jumping and screaming for about 10 minutes straight! I could not wait to open it! 

I had all my close friends come over to my backyard at 7:30 so that I could open and share this experience with them! 
A couple minutes before the big moment, I went into my room knelled down and prayed to my Heavenly Father. I prayed to thank him for the opportunity I was about to experience and to express my gratitude towards the Gospel. I also asked Him to confirm to me that whatever place I was sent to go, was where He wanted me to be. 

As I was opening the package, I read the first sentence "Dear Sister Cavalcante:" and tears started falling  down my face. I thought that for sure it would have waited a little longer, but nope I just couldn't help it, but I got myself to stop tearing up for a little and proceeded to read. 

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the HAWAII Honolulu Mission. Spanish Speaking. 

Could you say, BEST MISSION?? I think YES! I could not have been sent to a more perfect place. This is a dream mission!

I am so beyond exited to serve the Lord. Dedicate a year and a half of my life to help this gospel grow and make other people happy. 

I KNOW that this is what I need to be doing with my life. I KNOW that Hawaii is where i'm suppose to be in the next year and a half. I KNOW that Heavenly Father is so proud of me right now. I am so grateful for this gospel. I am truly happy because of it.

and here's the video of me opening my call, enjoy ;)

Nights like theses.

Its been what FOUR weeks? Yes four whole weeks since I have submitted my mission papers. That's a looonnng time you guys! and of course this would happen to me! I swear everyone else's have came in like a week or two. But it's okay because on Sunday my bishop said that they have already been assigned, and he is pretty sure it'll be coming this week. I'm really hoping tomorrow!! 

Ah I cannot explain how exited I am. every time someone hears about how i'm going on a mission they ask "are you nervous?" my answer is always "nope, just way exited!" I can't wait to find out where i'll be serving the lord for the next 18 months of my life. It'll be such an amazing life changing experience.

While I waited and waited every week checking the mail for my mission papers to arrive, a million thoughts would come to my mind. I kid you not, I have never been so confused and lost in my whole life, like i have been in the past four weeks.

Why? I'm not quite sure.
I kept asking myself question about what I want in my life.
Am I doing the right thing by going on a mission?
Is this what a really want? or what I should be doing..
Should i stick with my goals, or just quit on them?
Does any of this even matter?
Why do I feel so confused? 
So lost...

I can't help but think that Satan is trying SO hard to keep me off track. 

It's tough when you feel like you're the only one that doesn't "fit in" 
When you feel like you have to change yourself to "look cool"
When you feel lonely..
When you doubt where you stand.

But the thing is, I don't want to have to change myself. I like who I am. I am proud of myself. 
I know what I want in life, what I should be doing.

I'm not lost, I have everything I need right here with me: family, friends, this amazing gospel.
It's just hard, really hard to remember that at times.

Nights like these, where I think about everything and everyone and cry myself to sleep are the worst kind. It's when I feel the most lonely and most forgotten. 

"It's nights like these that make me sleep all dayIt's nights like these that make you feel so far awayIt's nights like these when nothing is for sure"

But it's nights like these that make me the strongest.

looking back

Why am I so bad at keeping promises to myself?
I feel like such a quitter.
I swear there is not one thing that I've started and finished  it all the way.
I started with piano lessons, then quit.
Played soccer for a year, and quit.
Did track my Junior year and quit half way.
Told myself that i'd never do "this and that" and ended up doing it.
and many more things....

Like... what's wrong with me?
Can someone slap me, hard.[[right now!?]]

I hate that about myself!
I either quit, or if I do keep going I don't give my all.
If there was one thing that I could change about myself in a snap of a finger, that would definitely be it!
I know that I could change, but it's hard; It doesn't just happen from night to day. Obviously.

It honestly sucks to look back and think about how many things I could have accomplished in my life.
It's pretty depressing at times.

Thank goodness for that ^^^

Favorite Girl - The Icarus

This song has been on replay for the past couple of days. all day errry day.Its one of my favorites now. 

love love love it! 

Everyone go listen to it. NOW!

I don't mind it.

I've been so busy lately. busy enough that i don't even really have time to blog.
School is slowly taking over my life, and to be honest I don't even mind it.
One thing that I have been able to learn about myself is that I actually enjoy school!
Call me crazy, but learning is bomb.
Getting A's is the best feeling. {got 93% on my political science midterm and 95% on my math. Can I get a halllaaaa}
Also, i'm actually pretty good at math. I haven'tgot less than a 90% on a test in the past two years of college, and I get the material pretty well. 
Like WHO AM I? will someone tell me? cause I don't even know anymore. 
If any of my close friends read this post they'd be like "say whaaa. Karen shut up, you're kidding right? hahah"
I even chose school over Vegas! WHO DOES THAT?? no one, but me. That's my guess.
I can't stand the thought of missing school, missing out on the material that it's going to be taught,it drives me NUTS!

I like this 'new self' that I have become, or am still becoming.
I don't mind it, not one bit!

Now, i'm not all of a sedan this big nerd, nor am I this super smart chick, nope. 
I've always cared about my grades, school attendance etc. I've just never really done anything about it, except for now.
I have finally been able to manage what I do with my time. That's something I could NOT do.
I really am maturing. 
I'm taking all of this as part of growing up; I mean it must be!

At least later on, I'll be able to look back and see how well I did in college, and be proud of myself. 
That's a good thing right?

DUH!

as of late

I have been such a bad blogger, i'm sorry you guys.
Won't happen ever again, maybe..
Les hope.

Before I start on this post, I'd like to give a S/O to LIFE for treating me so well lately.
I could not be more greatful for evertyhing that has been going on.
I've been so happy, and feeling so good. at all time, basically.
Surprinsily
Why do I say that, you ask? because I feel like things never really go MY way. It's always what others want, how they want..
But not this time.

Now, I'm not saying that things are neceseraly only going my way, I'm not that selfish, or selfish at all.
But everything just seems to be happening really smoothly and at the perfect times. so therefore, I'm really happy about that!!

Valenine's day

 {dinner with the girls}

 G-Eazy 2/27/13

 {one of the best concerts i'e been to}

Ready to kidnap Karla

Lake visits

Caught this mofo for din-din

{jk, i didnt eat it, its very much alive}

Letters from this handsome missionary

 {they always make my days better, miss him}

Partyyy time

Nick and I

 {lunch dates with him are the best. love this kid}

The weather>>>

 {its been pretty warm lately and I LOVE it}

Snapchatsss

{jon doe, no one can make me laugh more than this kid right here.}

For kicks and giggles

{this made me all awe}

Not to mention that tomorrow is the beginning of spring break && i'm going to St. Geezy for Macklemore with the girls on the weekend.. can life get any better right now?! 

well, I hope everyone has a fantastic spring breal; don't get too crunk or do whatever ;)

Future sister Cavalcante? You betcha

Guess who gets to start on their mission papers today!!
Ding ding, you got it right.  THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!

I've been waiting for this day for months now. And the day has finally arrived.

Words can not explain how happy I am, I can't even imagine how its gonna feel like to have my mission call in my hands, let alone Leave on my mission.

I so happy for the decision I've made, I know it's the right one. 

I LOVE this Gospel.

goals

Starting today, everyday i'm going to:

READ/STUDY THE SCRIPTURES

&&

WORK OUT

{I already did both of these things today, and I feel SO good}

It's not the first time I've made these goals. In fact i'm sure that every year those are my goals, but do I ever fall through with it? 
Nope, no I don't.

BUT THIS TIME IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. 

I'm exited to feel closer to my Heavenly Father by reading the scriptures and studying them. I learn something new every time without a fail.
Also I love the feeling of working out, so why not get myself to do it? annnnd who doesn't wanna get in shape, I know I do. I need to.

so.these are my goals.starting.Today.

the{good}times

MEMORIES:plural of mem·o·ry (Noun)

1. A person's power to remember things

2.The power of the mind to remember things

There are two types of memories.

• The {good} ones. The kind you wish to go back and relive'em. and
• The {bad} ones. The kind you're glad that they're just memories. Even though it sucks to have them in back of your head, constantly reminding you of those times you wish to erase.

But in this post I wanna talk about the good memories. {why think about the bad ones. am I right? right.}

One of the reasons why I love to keep a journal, and a blog is because I can always go back, whenever I want and read about old times. Replay those good memories over and over in my head.

The best is when I re-read something I had forgotten about, and am reminded of it. 

I love the smile, the laugh and sometimes even tears of joys that it bring me.

I love being able to have the power to remember things

To have MEMORIES.

Like:

-The one time when my grandma had just pasted away, and two of my best friends {Netto and Lucas} came over, brought me a gift and spent the rest of the night with me cheering me up.

-The one time I won the 'Principal's Award'on 8th grade year. haha.

-When I had my first kiss.

-When me and laura tried sneaking out during a sleepover, out of our leaders house. {which we totally made it. I also peed my pants from laughing so hard. hahahaha. but we don't pay attention to that}

-When I went bowling with Taylor and he spun me five times before I bowled for him and instead of messing up his game I ended up getting him a STRIKE {can you believe it? yeah me either. I was pissed haha}

-All the bro nights I have with MY BROS :) {#chicksssss}

-Lake Powell trip with Laura, Sara, Moyra, Kasey and Cody.

-When me and Flo Bo De. hung out with Nick C. and McKay and we all, yeah.. member that? {hint hint,'dinosaur picture'..hahah}

-Winning an Ipad on a Key’s to success contest at school, my junior year.

-Two months ago, today one of the nicest, sweetest guys I ever met kissed me.

-Girls camp {I had the best girls’ camps} 

-Hiking Timp. {not so sure if that's a goood memorie more like painful..}

…and many, many more. I can’t list them all, or else this post would be going on for FOREVER.

But are you catching my drift?

Memories are great you guys.

I’m thankful for them. I really am.

Let many more{good}memories be created as my life goes on.

what is this?!

I feel so confused.
Heart broken.
Like if I was missing someone.

but WHO you might ask, That is a good question. I have no idea! 

Is this even normal? Let alone, possible?
I guess so, since it's happening to at this very moment.

I don't like this at all. 
It's like the feeling of going through a break up, or missing that special someone, that you don't even have. {I'm talking nonsense I know}

Maybe it's because tomorrow is valentines day. Could that be it?
I honestly don't think so.. 

Not once the thought of wanting to go out on a date with a cute guy tomorrow crossed my head; as weird as that is, it is very true. Would I like to? of course! Have I really thought about it? eh not really, at all actually.

I'm pretty pumped to spend V-day with the girlfriennns. 
In fact if I were to be asked on a date tomorrow, I'd most likely say no. That's how good of plans I have for tomorrow. Unless we're talking about Channing Tatum or something, then i'd think about it ;)

Anywayyy.
So Where is this feeling coming from??
I don't miss liking someone, or having that relationship with them. I don't. I'm happy with where I am now:

Single.
Enjoying life.
Care-free.

So please weird, unwanted feeling, just go away k?!
It would be much appreciated!
Thanks!

Lets talk {people water}

or Jef Holms.. haha.

Today I got to meet Jef with one F. {be jealous}

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty stoked.

He's hot you guys. like really, really.

{just look at that face, mmm.}

{Cody}

{don't mind my awkwardness}

Anyway... Him and Cody, went over to UVU to do a presentation on, well, people water. {duh} They explained what they're all about. 

I was extremely impressed with all that they do. I knew that they went around the world, helping really poor neighborhoods in third world countries get the clean water that they need, but for some reason, it never really hit me until I saw some of their project videos. 

Their work is seriously, AMAZING. There's no other word to describe it. 

They're so passionate with what they do.

I really, really look up and admire people like Jef and Cody, and the other members of People Water, that want to make a difference in the world, and through their business, help the people in need. 

So thank you people water, for making the lives of many people a better one.

Wanna know what sucks?

Having a class with a really cute guy,
That sits next to you,
That talks to you every once in a while,
That is nice,
That asks you to study for the upcoming test with him,
That seems pretty chill,
That texts you without being annoying,
That it's about to ask you on a date,

BUT....

Then he does one thing that turns you off, completely.
I'm talking about the kind of turn off that can't get turned back on. 
You know what i'm saying?! 
and then, not just you get turned off, but you start to see their weird side.
blahhhh.
Am I the only one that's like this?
I sure hope not.
gosh dangit.

why why why!

on another note.
I checked my mailbox today,
and I had a letter from Tay!
I was so happy; I love his letters!

Cali? please and thank you!

Someone take me to Cali.

Let's go on a road trip??

Come on, you know you want to!

Lets just be beach bums for dayzzzz.

Sounds amazing. am I right or am I right?

Honestly there's no place i'd rather be. 

If you know me, you know how much I hate the cold. I'd rather be sweating hard core than be cold. 

Warm weather is my bihhh.

I've mentioned this way too many times, but I LOVE the beach!

I feel so peaceful when i'm there.

All of my worries seem to go away, just like that

The beach is like my get away spot

Too freaking bad that I have to drive 

12hrs everytime I want to "get away"

I should probably find a place near by.. hahaha.

Darn you, Utah. 

Y U NO have beaches???

names on names

Lana?! who's that? oh yeah, that's me!
Not many people know, but my first name's Lana!
Many people go by their first name, but my whole life I've been called by my middle name, Karem.
Maybe because my little sister cici, my mom and I are all Lana's. 
Weird right? tell me about it..
What was my mom thinking? she must of liked her name way too much! 


{K a little background story for you all. When my mom chose to name me Karem, she wasn't sure how she should spell it. So at the time instead of choosing to end my name with a N like everyone else, she chose the most confusing way, to go with the M. 
In Brasil the pronunciation between N and M's really doesn't matter, it's the same when used at the end of a word, but in America, well that's a whole different story. That's why I just go by Karen. 
Almost no one knows that my name is spelled with a M, because everywhere I write my name I spell it 'kareN' so that there's nooo misunderstandings, those can be soo annoying.}  

Anyway going back to the whole Lana subject.. 

So I guess it's a good thing me and my sister go by our middle names, or else life would be much more confusing.
Once in a while I think, "mmm, maybe I should just go by my first name, that'd be kinda cool, it is different" but whenever I have people call me Lana for a while, I sorta get annoyed, I try so hard to get used to it, but it just doesn't work. I don't know why, it's almost like if that wasn't me. 
Which is kinda weird, because it is my name. My first name.

Then comes my other middle name, Almada. My mom's maiden name. I don't even know why I have it, honestly. It's never ever used, and it's just more work to have to write my whole name down on documents and such.

Last but not least, my last name: CAVALCANTE. 
Does anyone know how to pronounce that? nope. okay maybe a few, like 3-5 people. Never in the first try though. NEVER.

Does anyone know how to spell that? nope. They'll either ALWAYS get it wrong and mix the C with the L so it'll look something like this
---> CAVALANTE or i'll almost always have to spell it out for them. 

Man, I guess you could say I have a really confusing name. Pretty unique I guess.. in its on way.

Nonetheless, I love my name. I wouldn't want to be named anything else. Mostly because I think it'd be really weird if I was named something else; for example, Rachel. That was actually the name my parents planned to give me. 
Can you picture me as a Rachel?? yeah me either. Thank goodness for karem.

Well, this was a really random post. I had been thinking all day about how everyone in college calls me Lana now, and its still pretty weird to me. so it led me to all this randomness... 
I guess now you guys know all about my name, or should I say, names. hehe:)

LANA:German origin, meaning: "precious"

KAREM: I looked it up and well, it has no meaning, because it "could not be found" haha good to know..

KAREN: Danish origin, meaning is "pure,chaste"

CAVALCANTE:Italian origin, meaning: Horse rider. hints how I got "ride-a-horse" as one of my nicknames.

future husband

Lately i have been thinking a lot about the guys i've dated in the past, liked and have got to know pretty well. I obviously don't mean literally ALL of them, but mostly the ones that had a bigger impact on me. i'm trying to make this sound less creepy as possible, so bare with me!

Many of those guys caught my eyes because of some of the really good qualities that they had. Characteristics that i look for in my future husband. Unfortunately some of them had characteristics that i didn't want, and others well-sadly- just because they were cute. {big shocker...}

Well anyway, throughout the years {yes, i've been thinking about my future husband ever since i was like 14?} i've thought of how i wan't my future lover to be. i'm not talking about his physical appearance. {not that if he were to be tall, tan, green eyed and have abbs for days i would mind ;)}

so i made a list of things that i want, in my future life companion for all eternity. {boy, do i like the sound of that or what!}

I want him to,

BE: kind.

loving.

patient with me.

worthy to take me to the temple.

a RM.

HAS: to have a good sense of humor.

to be able to make me laugh, preferably everyday; i love to laugh.

     to love to make surprises and be surprised.

to peak Portuguese.

to be approved by my family.

to LOVE the gospel.

to want kinds.
to give me lots of hugs and kisses, unexpectedly ;)

to care about his education.

to care about his future.

to do 3 little things that i have made up in my mind, without knowing(it's a long story.)

to love me unconditionally.

Am i asking for much? to be honest, i don't think so. everyone has a different idea of the guy they want to fall in love with; this is mine.

Every time i think of that list i also think, "what about me? what kind of characteristics does my future husband wants his future wife, me, to have??" i can't just expect all that from 'him' and not do my part to reach 'his' expectations, am i making sense? i hope so... i'm not saying, i need to change who i am, because i know that someday i will find someone that will want me just the way i am. but it just doesn't make sense to me, to want someone amazing like that, and not try to become like it.

There's a quote that i really believe in, and it says: "we attract what we are" and my dad always tells me, "light attracts light, darkness attracts darkness"

Those two quotes are really relatable and self explanatory. with all that being said.. I really hope to someday attract someone like myself, and for that to happen, i need to become that kind of person i want to attract.

...and the best part of it all is the thought that, some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet! 

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